Magic Man of Arkham
by Arm Chair General
Summary: Left behind after a robbery gone wrong, the exciteable street magician Mr. Svengali is sent to Arkham City. Trapped in the definitive Sin City, he must use his wit, charm, and real-life magic to survive his new home. But when the gangs of Arkham seek out his abilities for their own ends, Svengali finds himself in the midst of a gang war that will recude the city to ruin.
1. The Magic Begins

Arkham City was peaceful tonight. Well, as peaceful as a prison where murder, theft, rape, and jaywalking was common place could be. The political prisoners curled up tight in their hiding spots while others braved the darkness in search of food, water, and a dry place to sleep. The major gangs of Two-Face, Bane, Joker, and Penguin enjoyed relative safety except for the petty squabbles that occurred when dangerous men were grouped together. What was a few more corpses when you had an entire city to recruit from? As the moon rose above the definitive Sin City Harley Quinn sauntered through the basement of a long abandoned church. Abandoned by the devout to be more precise, for Joker it was a fortified outpost to expand his grip on the city. Despite a level of respect the Big Four had for each other and their unifying hatred of Bat Man turf battles were not uncommon as they struggled for access to utilities and supply zones.

She passed a group of thugs who watched her pass whistfully, their thoughts unholy. They would have to remain thoughts though, the penalty for poaching the king's deer was death. Death in slowest, cruelest forms that the Clown Prince could imagine in his twisted mind. Harley ignored the lustful gaze of her boss's underlings, excited to hear Mr. Jay's next big plan. The mere thought of spending more time with him consumed every facet of her mind. Every waking moment was spent wondering how she could help him, please him, pleasure him (if needed), or atone for any grievance she had caused him in the past. Her entire life was dedicated to a word of praise, a pat on the head, and if she were particularly lucky, a kiss on the cheek or lips. This devotion did not protect her from the consequences of failure however. The scars and bruises that covered her body were testament to the unrequited love her object of desire returned. She was but a tool and in the end would be as expendable as the thugs that had watched her pass. Her life was a cruel one, twisted and dark with no hope of light. Yet, there is always a chance. A chance for the world to brighten, to be cleansed of the wickedness that consumed this city of the damned. Though no one realized it, magic was in the air.

"For my next trick, I shall put a spin on one of the oldest tricks in the book!" Svengali, illusionist and magician extraordinaire, announced to the crowd as he stood on top of his massive Magical Trunk of Magical Wonder (That's what the brochure claimed anyway). He produced, seemingly from thin air, a large stuffed rabbit. There were few "G'aaws!" from the crowd as he held the plush aloft. "Behold, an ordinary stuffed rabbit!" He rotated about, allowing all who assembled to see. "But yet, when I do this…" He promptly pretended to lick his white gloved covered hand before shoving it up the rabbit's rear. Shouts of disgust rose from the crowd as Svengali pretended to root around inside of it. He then pulled out a flat disk. With a snap of his wrist the disk popped up, becoming a velvet top hat with a red sash just above the brim. With a flourish he put it atop his head of black hair before tossing the rabbit away. "I get a new hat!" Laughs sounded from the crowed as Svengali tossed the rabbit into the street, where it was promptly run over by a taxi. "Oops!" More laughter as the magician watched the taxi drive off before shrugging and stepping down from his trunk.

Pulling a large folded white cloth he unfolded it and pretended to drape it over a table. It levitated, much to the shock of the crowd, and when he whisked it away with a flourish a folding table had appeared. "Now then, I need a volunteer from the audience!" Hands rose up, eager. "Who shall it be, who shall it be?" he called out, still looking. He finally spotted a young woman with black hair, a black blouse opened scandalously low, black slacks and tall black boots. He grinned and pointed with his hand. "You!" Several people, including the desired volunteer, looked around confused. "The woman with the black blouse!" The woman, recognizing that Svengali meant her, heasitated. Svengali waved her over. "Come now, don't be afraid. I don't bite, except for that one time… anyway, I don't!" He winked at her and she scowled, marching forward, face red. Svengali frowned at that but then grinned again as he grabbed her hand, moving to kiss it. She snarled and slapped his hand away, much to the mirth of the crowd. "My bad, my bad, I'm sorry!"

"I don't like to be touched at all." She said flatly before leaning in close. "Unless you want to kiss _all_ of me?" she asked, voice low.

"Uh… no. Yes? Can you repeat the question Misses…? Svengali replied, grinning nervously at her sudden change in emotion.

"_Miss_ Selina Kyle" she corrected, giving him a wink. Svengali kept grinning, his brain coming to a halt. "Um, Mr. Svengali?"

"… WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ANIMAL?!" Svengali shouted, startling her. He took off his top hat and laid it top down on the table.

"Cats." She replied simply.

"." Svengali replied. _Shit! Stupid stupid stup-._

"I'm sure you will." Selina replied just a slyly. Svengali sighed in relief. _Wait, what did she just- never mind._

"Right then!" He clapped his hands together before slowly parting them. A magician's wand appeared in the space his hands once occupied, increasing in length until it was a foot long. "My other one's longer." _Damn in Svengali, get your act together man. She's just a really pretty girl with a great body and an amazing smile- FOCUS! _He set the wand on the table and held up the hat, opening to the crowd. "As you can see, the hat is empty." He laid it back down in its original position. "But when I wave my wand above it." He did so, tapping the brim for good measure. "We find a little friend inside!" He reached in and pulled out a black kitten with white markings on her chest, paws, and face. She had a red bow tied around her neck. The crowd gasped in delight and surprise at the feet of wonder. Selina grinned as well as Svengali handed her animal and she stroked it lovingly. The kitten purred, content.

"You're amazing!" She exclaimed, wheels turning in her head.

"I know, I know." He said, not even attempting to sound modest.

"Come by my place tonight, we'll see how magical you can be!" She winked before handing him a card with an address. "See you at ten." She sauntered away, hips swaying back and forth. Svengali tracked their sway before shaking himself awake.

"That's it folks, thanks for attending!" He announced, pointing to a violin case he had borrowed from a street performer two blocks over. "Any denotation is appreciated but not mandatory!" The crowd dispersed, some dropping a few dimes or a dollar into the case. Most didn't give anything, simply resuming their day. A few approached to shake Svengali's hand and offer compliments. He happily and enthusiastically shook the offered hands, smiling broadly. When the crowd finally left Svengali packed away his sign and table into his trunk before draping the same table cloth over it. Whipping it away the trunk disappeared and he tossed the cloth into the air where it became a puff of red smoke. Wiping a gloved hand on his chest, he set his top hat on his head, summoned a long magician's wand the length of a walking stick, and strutted down the street. As he whistled a merry tune he thought back to Selina. _I wonder what she meant by "magical?" She throwing a party? Ugh that means I have to bring dip! I always never bring _enough_ dip! _He frowned, and picked up his pace. It wouldn't look good to bring an insufficient amount of dip and he had to find her address so he wouldn't show up _too _late. He wasn't worried though, he was the world's greatest illusionist after all and he could handle anything!


	2. How not to Rob a Museum

"SLOW DOWN FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!" Svengali shouted over the whipping wind as Selina, no Catwoman, darted in and out of traffic. He had manifested himself a helmet and he was clutching to Catwoman's waist for dear life.

"Shut up and hold on Magic Man, we're almost there!" She took a tight turn, cutting across four lanes of traffic before jumping the bike over the safety rail and onto a rooftop. Svengali began screaming. Forcing the bike to a squealing halt, she casually removed her helmet and pushed out the kick stand. Svengali kept screaming, eyes closed. She kicked him off the bike and he landed on the ground in a heap. "I said shut up!" Svengali picked himself up, dusting off his jacket. It was long, with a tail that stretched down to his ankles and the front to his waist. It's red-lininged front was opened to reveal a white button up dress shirt with a red bowtie. He wore black pants and knee high black boots that were also lined in red. He took off his helmet and his top hat popped up from its previously squashed position. He was pale and shaking. "You alright there?" Catwoman asked. Svengali held up a finger before opening his mouth to resume screaming before slowly quieting.

"Alright, I'm good." He grinned sheepishly and she scoffed. The pair crept along the roof until they reached the edge. Across the street was the Gotham Museum of Natural History, the large white building window's dark. Banners hanging on its marble columns announced the newest addition to its geological collection: The Cat's Eye red diamond. Svengali whistled, much to Catwoman's annoyance. "Nice banners, we going on a field trip or something?"

"No, I'm stealing that diamond, and I need your help."

"Why me? I'm just the world's greatest street magician, not a cat burglar. That's your thing."

"You have powers that make your parlor tricks actual magic." Catwoman replied, already regretting taking him along.

"WHO TOLD YOU?! Was it Kevin, I swear when I find him I'm gonna-."

"Focus! The diamond is behind 2 inches of bullet proof glass with sensors so sensitive anything over the weight of a piece of paper sets it off. I can't cut the glass, so you're gonna take it for me."

"And we split the money 50/50?"

"70/30."

"50/50."

"80/20."

"10/90."

"60/40."

"Deal!" Svengali announced and Catwoman frowned, the man tricking her in to giving him more than she wanted too.

"Fine, 60/40." Svengali grinned and resumed looking across the street at the museum.

"So how are we gonna get inside?" It was Catwoman's turn to grin.

"Why. Couldn't. We. Use. The elevator?" Svengali asked, breathless, as the pair scaled the building. Catwoman looked down at the magician and laughed at his discomfort.

"Having trouble?"

"Yeah, I can't see past your ass, can you scoot over a little!" She kicked him with her high-heeled boots. "Ow! Alright, your ass is fine where it is!" Another kick. "Ow, stop it!" The pair resumed their climb in silence and climbed over the edge of the roof. A guard spotted them but before he could raise his alarm Catwoman knocked him out with a series of kicks. They moved to a skylight, which Catwoman sliced through with a glass cutter, catching the large circle of glass with a suction cupped handle. Throwing down a rope, the pair rappelled down, Svengali nearly slamming into the floor when he lost his grip.

"Ok, follow me, and don't touch anything!" Svengali nodded and the duo creeped down the hallway, hiding in the shadows when security guards walked pass. They approached a heavy locked door with a glass window that closed off the gallery. Catwoman went to cut the glass but Svengali caught her arm.

"Allow me milady." With a grin he produced a folded sheet of paper from his coat pocket. He unfolded it and pressed it onto the window where it magically stuck to the glass. Slowly, he forced his arm through the paper and glass, grabbed the door handle on the other side, and turned it. He cracked the door open before easing his hand out of the paper. With an unnecessary flourish he yanked the paper off the glass, revealing the completely intact pane. "Ta da!" With a snort Catwoman opened the door the rest of the way and sauntered through. Svengali shrugged and followed. Diamonds and gems of every kind lined the semi-circular room in secure glass cases. In the center was a small glass box on a pedestal that held the purest red diamond ever discovered, its unique cut caused a black "pupil" to form inside when light shined on it. "Helluva rock ain't it?" Svengali commented, crossing his arms. Catwoman scoffed.

"It's the most expensive diamond on Earth, and it's gorgeous." The diamond was about the size of the Hope Diamond and shaped like an oval. It was set on a simple silver necklace and rested on a soft felt cushion. "Go get it."

"Your wish is my command!" Svengali teased as he strutted up to the display. Placing the paper over the glass box he eased his hand through and snatched the necklace. He carefully pulled it through before snapping his fingers. The paper changed into a heavy layer of dust and he walked back to the woman. "Here ya go." He tossed it carelessly and Catwoman scrambled to catch it.

"Careful!" She glared at him but her eyes were soon drawn to the gem, removing the red goggles from her eyes. She stared at it longingly for a long time before slipping it in a pocket of her skin tight suit. "Thanks." She said before kissing him on the cheek.

"You are most welcome my de-." He was cut off as Catwoman kneed him hard in the stomach. He collapsed on himself, sinking to his knees.

"New deal, 100/0, good bye Magic Man!" she taunted before pulling out her whip and smashing the glass box with the handle. An alarm sounded and Catwoman swiftly sprinted out the door, down the hall, climbed the rope, and escaped.

"That wasn't really necessary."Svengali caoughed out as he fell on his side. "Ow, man that hurts!" Guards rushed into the room as he worked through the pain. It finally past as he was dragged to his feet by a guard.

"You gotta alotta explaining to do pal." He said as he cuffed Svengali's hands behind his back.

"Well you see officer, these aren't my pants." Svengali announced with a sheepish grin. When the man replied with a withering scowl Svengali hunched up on himself. "Sorry sir." As he was dragged to a waiting patrol car he began a nervous ramble. "Come on buddy, just give me a warning or something! How about we go out for drinks, you and I? I know this great donut shop, we can meet and split a dozen. You look like a glazed kind of guy. I prefer ones with sprinkles because you can pull them off one by one and-." He was cutoff when the guard shoved him into the back seat. "Alright fine, sheesh." The guard stuck his head through the passenger side window, talking to the cop.

"Careful friend, this guy is a real talker." The cop nodded and the guard pounded the top of the car. The cop switched on the siren and raced back to the precinct.

"I'm in trouble aren't I?" Svengali asked, grinning nervously The cop looked at him the rear-view mirror and nodded. Svengali's face fell and he slumped in his seat. "I was afraid you'd say that."


End file.
